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January 4, 2010 / ebretzel

An Ode to Cold

Cold. It’s what unites us Minnesotans together. We take pride in our heartiness, and laugh at those sissies down south who can’t take a light snow-dusting. They think FIFTY is cold? Try NEGATIVE 50! *nudge nudge snicker snicker…

But for all our bravado, there is nothing we like better than to complain to each other about how COLD it is, and why we didn’t pack up and move long ago. A typical conversation may go something like this:

Minnesotan #1: “Brrr! It sure is cold out here, eh?”
Minnesotan #2: (Nods) “Colder than a witches tit. Remind me why we live here again?”
Minnesotan #1: “Because we’re too stupid to move!”
**Both laugh ala Statler and Waldorf.

I have to admit that I enjoy both warm-weather sissy-bashing and complaining about the cold, but we all have our limits, even here in Minnesota. Over the past several days I made it a point to leave the house as little as possible, seeing as how weatherpeople are using phrases like “Frigid Temperatures”, “Deep Freeze” and, “It’s so Damn Cold Out Even the Penguins are Complaining.” You know it’s bad when you’re in your house wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt with the hood up, wrapped in your bathrobe, and your nose still feels like an ice cube. Now that, my friend, is cold.

Leaving my car sit outside in the driveway for 72 hours in -16° temps probably wasn’t the best of plans since I couldn’t get it started this morning. Oh no! (I thought gleefully,) I can’t get to work! Unfortunately, I was able to get it going 10 minutes later. My next obstacle was to put quarters into the meter as quickly as possible without my hand falling off from frostbite. I scrunched my chin down into my coat, pulled my hat down as far as possible without covering my eyeballs, gritted my teeth and stepped out of the car.

Needless to say I survived the meter and also the one block walk to the office, but I don’t think I’ll be warm again until June comes rolling around. Until then, enjoy this list of 10 songs (and corresponding music videos) that I compiled in no particular order.

1. Frozen — Madonna
2. Cold As Ice — Foreigner

3. Ice Ice Baby — Vanilla Ice
5. Freeze Frame — J. Geils Band
6. 20 Years of Snow — Regina Spektor
7. Snow (HeyOh) — Red Hot Chili Peppers
8. Zamboni Song — Gear Daddies
9. Skating — Vince Guaraldi Trio
10. Stone Cold — Rainbow



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