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January 10, 2010 / ebretzel

All Hail the Chinese Cheese Biscuit!

In what other game would you have to shout this out loud every time you roll a 1? None other than Quelf, the wacky board game that is based entirely upon whether or not you are willing to act like a fool to avoid penalties. This game is not to be played with people who are “too cool” or easily embarrassed, and the consuming of alcoholic beverage is sure to kick the giggles and dancing up a notch.

I first played Quelf on New Year’s Eve after receiving it as a gift from my friend Briana. My first thought was, oh it’s kind of like Cranium. You pick a colored card, you read it and you might have to act something out. That is where the similarities end. This game is more like someone snorted a straw full of of drinking games and then vomited them all out into the form of a board game. And it’s FUN.

Let me break it down for you. You move across the board and you get to pick one of the following color-coded cards:

Blue Roolz: Remember when you’re the president and you get to make the rules? You might want to remember some of these for next time. A Roolz card can be just for you, or for the whole group and you get to keep doing it until you get another card. Last time I played, I had to bark like a rabid dog at any non-player or LIVING CREATURE who came within 15 ft. of the board.

Green Quizzle: Yeah, you think this is just trivia? Maybe. Maybe it’s a riddle, maybe the answer is so ridiculous you won’t believe it’s real, but it is. Quickly, how many digits do 3 armless bus drivers and 4 retired, one-legged submarine commanders have?

Red Scatterbrainz: The bane of my existence, with this card you have to go around the board and give an answer to a category until someone either repeats an answer or can’t think of one. I mean, there are only so many ways you can get your leg out of a steel bear trap, and you can bet that the categories are going to keep getting wackier.

Yellow Stuntz: Wait, why is Katie doing the hula? Is there a reason why
Brandon just ran into the kitchen, put his hands under the faucet and yelled “It’s raining!” Maybe you get an extra point if you do the hula too, maybe you get a penalty for reading the card to find out what the hell they are doing, or maybe nothing happens. YOU JUST DON’T KNOW.

Purple Showbiz: Sing a popular song in another language, if you don’t know it make it up. Get up and do the can can until the timer runs out. There could be anything on the card, but you’ll definitely have to show of your talents or lack thereof.

Basically, do what’s on the card or you get a penalty. But don’t worry, there might be a way to redeem yourself. All you have to do is hold a plunger like a sword for the remainder of the game, or spray yourself with cologne, or something equally unpleasant or embarrassing.

What I liked the most about this game was the unpredictability of it, and the hilariousness of watching someone act completely goofy. (my mother had to put a belt on her head like a ninja) Though it can last just a touch too long, it is sure to elicit laughing fits and make for some good old-fashioned fun.

Check out the official site here.



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